Your Lump of Sugar

9:00 AM is such an odd time. Pathetic humans will be beeping and honking. To the hawk swarding high up in the sky, this might look like a bunch of ants getting out of their ant hill in search of food, after being told by one ant that there is a lump of sugar at a distance. I wonder why ants take the word of another ant. Some of the more eccentric ants do not see a need to be roped up into this and it goes out only to stretch their legs in the sun and to meet ants, other ants who are chasing the lump of sugar. I wonder if these ants could ever be friends. Well, I am no hawk or an ant.

I had crossed paths with a female who used to go out only to stretch her legs. She was peculiar, not in her ways, but the way she chose to live her life. She was in an abusive marriage so she made a bold decision to leave her then husband and ended up being disowned by her family as well. She knew she had to make her own way in the world. She made sure to complete her education, did masters, found a place to live in whatever means she had. She always put up a brave face and never reminisced on the past, but she was tired. Tired of running away and towards other humans at the same time. I think she had become eccentric. She didn’t have any goals in her life and started to find little discomforts overbearing. I was too scared to be her friend. I didn’t want to be tired, I wanted to have goals and aspirations and wanted to find ways to achieve them all. I was too scared to not have a plan B, and then plan C followed by D and so on. I started to distance myself from her because I didn't want to be like her. I didn’t want to be unapologetic about my choices, I didn’t want to live alone, I wanted to please everyone and was happy not knowing what I deserve. But above it all, I knew I wanted to be someone people look up to and be as close to perfection as possible. I didn’t want to be “fun” on instagram but be someone great in reality. Now as I look back, we both are dreamers.

She is unfortunate because she doesn’t have anyone to share her dreams and days with. I am an unfortunate dreamer as I have big dreams and a lot of people to live for. Because of these dreams I go out at 9:00 AM with all the other humans to get the lump of sugar but make sure to keep on the lookout for a new lump of sugar.